Funny

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Animal Fashion

kerala friend

Funny

Some funny pictures of Animal Fashion

An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!

kerala friend

Funny

An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will floc to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."Moral of the story:Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention

female readers:

This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!

Moral of the story

Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

You can forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour :)

JOHNNY.....JOHNNY

kerala friend

Funny

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students:

Teacher : "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite."

Teacher: "What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter: "I truly am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word Bathroom at the dinner table."

Teacher: "And you, Little Johnny, can you use your brains for once And show us your good manners?"
Little Johnny: "Darling, may I please be excused for a brief moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I am

Hoping you will get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted........

1st grade kids respond to proverb - THIS IS FUNNY - ENJOY IT

kerala friend

Funny

1^stgrade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1.	Don't change horses	until they stop running.
2.	Strike while the	bug is close.
3.	It's always darkest before	Daylight Saving Time.
4.	Never underestimate the power of	termites.
5.	You can lead a horse to water but	How?
6.	Don't bite the hand that	looks dirty.
7.	No news is	impossible
8.	A miss is as good as a	Mr.
9.	You can't teach an old dog new	Math
10.	If you lie down with dogs, you'll	stink in the morning.
11.	Love all, trust	Me.
12.	The pen is mightier than the	pigs.
13.	An idle mind is	the best way to relax.
14.	Where there's smoke there's	pollution.
15.	Happy the bride who	gets all the presents.
16.	A penny saved is	not much.
17.	Two's company, three's	the Musketeers.
18.	Don't put off till tomorrow what	you put on to go to bed.
19.	Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and	You have to blow your nose.
20.	There are none so blind as	Stevie Wonder.
21.	Children should be seen and not	spanked or grounded.
22.	If at first you don't succeed	get new batteries.
23.	You get out of something only what you	See in the picture on the box
24.	When the blind lead the blind	get out of the way.
25.	A bird in the hand	is going to poop on you.
	*And the WINNER and last one!*
26.	Better late than	Pregnant

If women controlled the world

kerala friend

Funny

IF WOMEN CONTROLLED THE WORLD...

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SARDAR.... BACK IN FORM.....

kerala friend

Funny

SARDAR.... BACK IN FORM.....

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -

What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.

He wrote 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!'

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet

Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it....

Sardar's wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

A man: 'Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?'

Sardarji: ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.

The Chinese friend just says 'CHIN YU YAN' and dies.

Sardarji goes to China to find the meaning of his friend's last Words.

And finds It means 'U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!'

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.

His wife asked what you are doing.

He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Guess what...

To avoid side effects!!!

Man: Sardarji where were U born?

Sardarji: Punjab .

Man: Which part?

Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar'.

Lawyer to Sardar: 'Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... '

Sardar :'Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!'

Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.

I don't know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says 'please recharge your card'

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin, 'For Best Results put on Two Coats'

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). '

The first sardar replies, 'Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258'

Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College???

A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard... BOLO tarara!!

Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale?

A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept........

Santa Singh MBBS

After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.

He checked his first patient's Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.

Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Saving the best for the last ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.

Judge asked: How'll U divide your kids, U'VE 3 children?

Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR

What my mother taught me

kerala friend

Funny

1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.. I just
finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.

  Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who

   don't have  wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
  "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when your father gets home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to
  get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when
you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you
were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn
out just like you !"

Vocabulary Genius...

kerala friend

Funny

The person who made this sentence must be a vocabulary GENIUS.
Read the sentence below carefully:

"I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications' incomprehensibleness".

This is a sentence where the nth word is n letters long

Eg: 3rd word is 3 letters long, 8th word is 8 letters long and so on

Crazy French Hotels

kerala friend

Funny

Crazy French Hotels

La Ferme Aventure, La Chapelle-aux-Bois, Lorraine

Belrepayre Airstream & Retro Trailer Park Mirepoix, Midi-Pyrenees

L’Appart des Anges Canal du Midi, Villeneuve-lès-Béziers, Languedoc-Roussillon

Campement Tamana, Bidon, Rhone-Alps

Chez Bertrand, Saint Ouen, Paris

Le Chalet Tournesol, Chauffayer, Provence-Alpes-Azur

Seeko’o Hôtel, Bordeaux, Aquitaine

Plum’Arbres, Trémargat, Brittany

Villa Santa Fe, Saint-Rémy de Provence

Beautiful Story - Wifes cat

kerala friend

Funny

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. However, the cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.

He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asks her, "Jen is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" asked his wife.

Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach home!!!

Moral: How much ever we dislike somebody; someday we might need their assistance.

BRILLIANT IDEA

kerala friend

Funny

When your husband, Wife, girlfriend or boyfriend does something that makes you angry;

Don't give into the temptation to argue, fuss and fight!
Just count to ten, remain calm & after he or she goes to bed, Super-Glue the
slippers to the floor
..

(see below)

RILLIANT IDEA

Facts about religion...!!!

kerala friend

Funny

understand the truth...!!!

Christianity:

**One Christ, **
One Bible,
One Religion
You know
the Latin Catholic
will not enter**
Syrian Catholic Church.

These two will not enter **
Marthoma Church.

These three will not enter **
Pentecost Church.

These four will not enter **
Salvation Army Church.

These five will not enter **
Seventh Day Adventist Church.

These six will not enter**
Orthodox Church.

These seven will not enter **
Jacobite church.

Like this there are 146 castes in Kerala alone **
**for Christianity,**
each will never share their churches **
for fellow Christians.. !**

**Wonderful..! **
One Christ, One Bible, One Jehova.....**
**What a unity!*

* *
*Muslims:*

*One Allah, **
One Quran,
One Nebi....!
**Great unity!**

Among Muslims,
Shia and Sunni kill each other
in all the Muslim countries.

The religious riot in most Muslim countries
is always between these two sects.

The Shia will not go to Sunni Mosque.

These two will not go to
Ahamadiya Mosque.

These three will not go to
Sufi Mosque.

These four will not go to
Mujahiddin mosque...

Like this it appears
there are 13 castes in Muslims.

Killing / bombing / conquering / massacring/. ..
each other !

The American attack to the Muslim land of Iraq
is fully supported by
all the Muslim countries surrounding Iraq!

One Allah,
One Quran,
One Nebi....!
Great unity!

60% of
all victims of Muslim terrorism are Muslims.*

* *
*Hindus:*

*1,280 Religious Books, **
10,000 Commentaries,
more than one lakh sub-commentaries
for these foundation books,
30 million gods,
variety of Aacharyas,
thousands of Rishies,
hundreds of languages...

still everyone goes to the
**SAME TEMPLE ...**
whether unity is for Hindus or others?

Hindus never quarreled each other
for the last ten thousand years in
the name of religion.

**Only Politicians
had tried to divide and rule.
Keep Religion out of Politics
and India will be the most peaceful
place on earth.
**

Some Crude Some Rude - Famous Quotes

kerala friend

Funny

Priceless Observations Department:

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you
should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

<><>

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

<><>

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement..

- Mark Twain

<><>

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns

<><>

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

<><>

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

<><>

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

<><>

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

<><>

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

<><>

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

<><>

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

<><>

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more
pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan

<><>

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath

<><>

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

<><>

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its
way through Congress.

- Will Rogers=2 0

<><>

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

<><>

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else
starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

- Phyllis Diller

<><>

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out

New ways of Stealing

kerala friend

Funny

New ways of Stealing
Be sure to read Scene 3. Quite interesting.
This is a new one. People sure stay busy trying to cheat us, don't they?
SCENE 1.
A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker. After the workout and a shower, he came out,
saw the locker open, and thought to himself, 'Funny, I thought I locked the locker..

Hmm, 'He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order.

Everything looked okay - all cards were in place...

A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14,000!

He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the transactions.

Customer care personnel verified that there was no Mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen..

'No,' he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card, and yep - you guessed it - a switch had been made.

An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet.

The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.

Verdict: The credit card issuer said since he did not report the card missing earlier, he wouldhave to pay the amount owed to them.
How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?

$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped? Small amounts rarely trigger a 'warning bell' with some credit card companies. It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!
============ ========= =======
SCENE 2.
A man at a local restaurant paid for his mealwith his credit card.

The bill for the meal came, he signed it and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along.

Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and
behold, it was the expired card of another person.

He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.

She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man.

All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately
looked down and took out the real card.

No exchange of words --- nothing! She took it and came back to the man with an apology..

Verdict:

Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours.

Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time.

Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, 'assuming' that it has to be theirs.

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!
============ ========= =====
SCENE 3:
Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called in.

I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked directly to my checking account.

The young man behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid it on the counter as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure..

While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing.

I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. ? Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture.

He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of, oblivious to what was really going on.

It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit card, so now I'm paying close attention to what he is doing..

He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open.

About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the picture has been saved.

Now I'm standing there struggling with thefact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card.

Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened.

Needless to say, I immediately cancelled that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor..
All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Whenever you are using your credit card take caution and don't be careless.

Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use your card.

Be aware of phones, because many have a camera phone these days.

FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN THINK OF. LET'S GET THE WORD OUT! JUST BE AWARE
Never let your card out of your sight.....check and check again!

New ways of Stealing

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Recent Posts

Animal Fashion

Some funny pictures of Animal Fashion

An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!

An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!

JOHNNY.....JOHNNY

1st grade kids respond to proverb - THIS IS FUNNY - ENJOY IT

If women controlled the world

SARDAR.... BACK IN FORM.....

What my mother taught me

Vocabulary Genius...

Crazy French Hotels

Beautiful Story - Wifes cat

BRILLIANT IDEA

Facts about religion...!!!

Some Crude Some Rude - Famous Quotes

New ways of Stealing

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